What do you hope for in 2010?

Written by Claire Colvin
Published: January 11, 2010

It was almost 15 years ago that the Spice Girls implored us, “Tell me what you want, what you really, really want.” (Sorry for the earworm.)   The mystery of what they were actually singing has long been solved, (“really really really wanna zigazig ha” still makes no sense) but many of us are still trying to answer that first question.  What do I really want?

Late last year, I started a new journal.  I am not a regular journal-er but the time felt right.  I thought I should start the journal with a list of the things I want, as a reminder to myself of the direction I was heading in.  I must have sat with a pen in my hand for half an hour and didn’t write a single word.  I knew what I wanted, I knew EXACTLY what I wanted.  Why was it so hard to say it out loud, to write it down?

When I finally did start to write it was all very vague. I wanted to improve here and try there and maybe see if I could work in some of this or that.  I read over what I had written and realized that, like a fortune cookie, it could be interpreted to mean almost anything.  I hadn’t just given myself a way out, I’d taken the door off the hinges.  It turns out that I am not alone in this.

In a recent article for Oprah.com Daphne Oz (daughter of Oprah’s health guru Dr. Oz) wrote this:

Few people (myself included) have the courage—nay, gall—to actually make specific resolutions, ones with clear guidelines and action plans. . . We only answer to ourselves, and somehow that makes getting the job done less compelling.  Why is it that when we make promises to ourselves we cut corners and are comfortable falling short of even these limited expectations?

She raises an excellent point.  As adults we meet our responsibilities – we pay our bills, show up to work, change the oil in the car, and try to get the kids to eat more vegetables.  We understand that there are rules and boundaries and we stay within them most of the time.  When it just us, alone with our thoughts, it’s very easy to let ourselves drift.  Why add one more thing to the list?

I wonder if we are quick to let ourselves off the hook because we feel guilty for dreaming in the first place?

Most of us have it pretty good.  We eat regularly and sleep in clean beds, which puts us ahead of most of the world.  We see friends dealing with job loss, or severe health issues, or broken hearts, and it seems wrong to ask for more.  I think we see dreams as an unwise luxury, something we can’t afford in this economy.  But we’re mistaken. Dreams are not an extra; dreams are as essential as air.

Read about the necessity of dreams

Without dreams, hope withers.  Without hope, life becomes a sad place indeed.  There is a quote from American novelist Barbara Kingslover that has been following me around since before Christmas.  It speaks of hope, and of the need to figure out what you want.  She writes, “The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.”

How can I live inside that hope if I can’t even say it out loud? It took me a few days, but I did go back and rewrite that first page of my journal.  I ripped out the old version and, with stuttering penmanship, dared to say what I want.  It was a little scary but I’m glad I did it.

The first step to being able to say what I want in public, is being able to say it in a private space –  a journal or a conversation with a good friend.   It’s still a risk.  If I admit to what I want and it doesn’t happen, I’ve set myself of up for disappointment.  However, in saying it out loud I also give myself a chance.  I put myself in the race. Who knows what might happen?

If journaling isn’t your thing, but you’d like someone to talk to, we have mentors available by email 24/7.  Mentors are trained volunteers with real world experience and can listen, offer a second opinion, and provide additional resources.   If you’d like to talk to a mentor, just fill in this form and we’ll do the rest.  (Email mentoring is always free, confidential, and completely voluntary.)

I crave something more and there’s no shame in admitting that. There’s a video of author Erwin McManus discussing the desire for deeper meaning here.  It’s only a minute and half and well worth the time.  Take a look.  It may help you as you figure out what it is that you want.

As we head deeper into 2010, what do you hope for?  Will this be the year you say it out loud?  Tell us what you hope for in the comments.