Time to Change: I’ll Go First
I used to work with a very wise woman named June. June had seen a lot of life and I loved listening to her stories. One thing that stuck with me the most had to do with change. She said quite simply “Don’t try to change other people. The only person I can change is me.”
She was talking about how tempting it can be to try an alter another person’s behavior to get them to change what we see as a bad habit. But time again June would remind me that I cannot control another person’s actions I can only control my own. I have the choice in how I will react to another person’s behavior, and whether or not I want to be around them. But I can only change myself.
It’s quite a freeing thought. As another wise woman often tells me, I am not responsible for another person’s thoughts, feelings or actions. It sounds so obvious but I catch myself sometimes acting as though the reverse were true. I don’t stand up for myself because I worry that the other person will be angry. I stay silent when I should speak because I think about what the other person will think. I need to be kind, I need to be generous and thoughtful, but I am not responsible for how another person chooses to act. I am only responsible for my own response.
The desire to want more, to be better, is universal and common. And it’s very tempting to try and change the world by changing others. But the truth is much simpler. I can change the world, but I do it by changing myself first.
In his article, “Step” Shaun Smith writes:
We all want the world around us to change for the better. Sometimes our desire for change comes close to breaking our hearts. We see brokenness in our world and we cry out for change. We see babies dying, teenagers losing hope, injustice and unfairness. We desperately want change. The problem is, we don’t know where to begin.
It was Gandhi who implored us to “be the change you wish to see in the world”. It’s ancient advice, but still excellent advice. Change has to start with me. Read “Step” to see how you can change the world by changing yourself first.
Tags: change, Claire Colvin, Culture, emotions, Self, thoughts, World
6 Responses to “Time to Change: I’ll Go First”
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I can totally relate to this piece. I wanted to change my child’s father into something I wanted him to be. But I cant do that. He is his own person and will change his ways if and when he feels it necessary to do so. I was allowing his negative attitude to depress me and leave me feeling unwanted and unloved. BUT I have come to a point where I realize that the only change that can be made is in me!!
IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TRYING TO CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON BECAUSE HE IS THE DRIVER OF HIM/HER SELF. I TRIED STOPPING MY FRIEND FROM SMOKING,BUT, I ENDED UP WITH NO SPECIFIC RESULT. HE IS THE ONLY PERSON THAT CAN CHANGE HIMSELF.
That is so true. You can support someone who is willing to change, you can walk that road with them but you cannot force them to change, or make the change for them. It is so very tempting to try, but it is not possible. All I can do is change my behavior. If the other person is creating an unsafe or unwanted environment I can choose to leave that environment, and sometimes that will help the person see that they need to change. But I cannot force them to change.
I agree with this article. Once the change is seen in your life it is possible to influence those around you. But you cannot start with the other person. So when we see what we do not like in others, it is time for self-searching and see if the same characteristic is in you and make the necessary changes in your life, that way we are able to minister to others. Thanks for the reminder, I appreciate the article.
Holy Spirit spoke this to my spirit a while ago..I appreciate this article as a reminder and conformation of His word..Philippians 2:12 says “Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,” The only salvation I am asked to work on is my own..and when it comes to other people..I PRAY for them, because God has a plan for them just as he does for me and my prayer is for them to meet Jesus and accept his loving forgiveness and all the wonderful things that come with Him..I want to be like Jesus..and He loves everyone no matter what..he is patient and kind..2 Corinthians 13 The Love Chapter is the character of God, because God is love .. so when I encounter “difficult” people. I remind myself, God loves them so I do too..I am sure there are things in my life other people don’t like and would like to change..I ask God to let me know what He wants me to change and He gives me strength and power to overcome..so He does with others..when they ask..He is the only one who really knows our hearts. =)
It seems as if I face this challenge everyday. I’ve seen the wonderful thing God did that changed my husbands life the day I gave trying to control him to God fully. Yet, still suffer with trying to control the situation and environment. With the fear of getting hurt or taken advantage of but I’ve ended up in this pit so many times and still cant learn a lesson. I pray that God would give me the knowledge, strength and the comfort to hopefuly learn from my mistake this last time and walk in victory from now on.