I was intrigued by an article from O, the Oprah Magazine today that talked about raising sons to be good husbands. The article talks about raising boys and the men they become and gets into quite a discussion about how we raise girls differently than boys.

Before we launch into a massive debate on gender politics, I think we can all agree that boys and girls, just like men and women, are different.  Where we get into trouble is when we start assigning greater and lesser values to those differences.  Is the empathy that is sought after in a woman less desirable in a man? Can’t empathy simply be a good thing wherever we find it?

The author, Valerie Monroe , recounts her own experience in raising a boy. She writes:

Until I had a son, I thought, well, naturally you want to raise your child — boy or girl — to have a full emotional life. Then I tried to. And I discovered that there’s a big difference between believing a boy should show his feelings freely and actually having a boy who does.

She then goes on to quote Olga Silverstein, a family therapist and author who says:

“It’s absolutely necessary to shift the way we think of those qualities we call feminine.  As a culture, we perceive empathy, nurturance, talent for friendship and relationship as belonging only to women and less valuable than independence and other kinds of strengths traditionally associated with men.  Women have to believe that feminine strengths are valuable not just in women but in humans. Then we won’t worry about feminizing boys.”

The qualities that make for a good human being are not male or female, they’re human and those are qualities we can all strive to instill in our boys and our girls.  A little encouragement goes a long way, and a lot of encouragement goes even further.  You can learn more about the power of encouragement in our free Life Lesson: Finding the Courage to Encourage.

I love the conclusion the author came to:

A child who is fully and deeply loved, who learns to acknowledge his feelings and is well equipped to express them, and who learns to take responsibility for his actions, to value compassion and live it daily — this is the boy who will grow into a man who’ll make a loving companion. That’s good for the woman he marries. Even better for the man he becomes.

The goal, in the end, is not to tailor a boy to be a good husband.  The goal, ultimately, is a to tailor a boy to be a good man. If that is achieved, he will have all the tools he needs to be an excellent husband as well.  He’ll be equipped to excel in the workplace, to be a good friend, to make a positive contribution to his community.

If you are looking for ways to enrich your parenting journey Family Life Parenting conferences are a wonderful resource.  You can learn more on their site and find upcoming conference dates.

What is the best parenting advice you ever received? Tell us in the comments.