This past week I have been, quite literally, voiceless. A bad case of tonsillitis left me with little more than a whisper.  It’s been a very quiet week.  Today I still don’t have my voice back but I’m feeling just a bit better and I started to notice the changes in my behavior.  I realized  I’ve been stepping back.

I did not attempt to say hello to the receptionist when I got to the office this morning.  She was facing away from me and I knew that my little whisper wouldn’t carry.  Silently, I walked over to the elevator.   I couldn’t really participate in the office chatter.  I didn’t call out to a friend I saw across the parking lot.  My world got smaller and smaller.

I realized that I had not stopped trying to speak because I didn’t feel I had anything to say, rather I was so sure I would not be heard that it just wasn’t worth the effort. That got me thinking about the other people in my world who are voiceless, not because of an illness but because of their circumstances.

When there are no words

Some of my friends feel voiceless because there are no words to express the pain they are feeling.  Others are silenced by shame – nice girls don’t talk about that.  Still others are silenced by finances – it’s so much easier to say “I’d rather not, thanks” than “thank you but I can’t afford that.”  Each one steps away, steps into a smaller world because there are no words to bridge the gap.

It’s a pretty helpless feeling, being voiceless.  It feels like drifting.  If I fall down in a forest and no one hears me, did I make a sound? Insight is lovely, but action is better. So now, while our attention is on the voiceless how do we help the people in our lives who cannot speak for themselves?

1. Be observant. Sometimes a person just needs permission to speak.  Without being intrusive, if you notice someone who seems quieter than usual, ask if they are okay.  You might get a rote answer, but if you are fortunate, if you are a safe place, they just might tell you what is going on.  Showing that you care gives them permission to speak.
2. Be quiet. Some things really are hard to say out loud.  Rather than start a conversation in the office where everyone can hear, you can care for your friend quietly by slipping them a card, or even sending an email.  That way there is less pressure for them to respond but they will still know that they can speak if they want to.
3. Be real. One of the best ways to show people that you can be trusted is to trust them first.  Sharing your own challenges reminds those around you that we all struggle.  No one has a perfect life – even though it can look that way to someone who is suffering.  Break the silence and you might be amazed at what you hear.

How do you reach out the people in your life who have been silenced?

Related Reading:

10 Tips to Effective & Active Listening Skill
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