Subscribe 
Because many of us feel responsible for the loss, we often don’t feel we deserve to grieve. But the truth is, we do deserve to grieve, even more, we need to grieve. In fact God grieves right along with us. For many years I believed that God was the one who was heaping shame on me. I was certain He was disappointed with me, and no matter how many times I asked for forgiveness, I still had shame. But as I allowed God to heal me, I discovered that He did not see me the way I saw myself, the way the enemy tried to make me feel.
We need to use God’s Word to expose the lies we’ve ingrained about sex. We’ve all been contaminated by the world’s view of sex. Whether from media, others, pornography or sexual wounding, the enemy wants to pervert this holy gift of sex and keep us from experiencing the beauty God intended for us in marriage.
The greatest book on sex, love and marriage is in the bible. The Song of Songs written by King Solomon is God’s instruction book to guide us to His gift of marital love and sex. I encourage those in need of healing to read through this book several times, along with some great Christian commentators on the subject and let God’s truth expose the lies they’ve ingrained from your past.
God used this book to heal me from the damaged view of sex and men I’d brought into my marriage. My first sexual experience was not wanted and left me feeling humiliated, used and vulnerable. I didn’t realize until I went through my own healing that this negative view of myself, men and sex had followed me into marriage, keeping me from enjoying physical and emotional intimacy with my husband.
In fact, I viewed my husband in the same negative way as all the other men who’d used me. But as God exposed my lies, healed my wounds, and showered me with His truth, my view of sex and men changed. As God healed me, He healed my view of sex too. And the best part, it brought healing to my marriage, allowing me to enjoy the sexual and emotional intimacy I longed for with my husband.
Are you ready for the next step? Return to the main article for more information, the next exercise and four books that can help you on your way.
Talk to a Mentor
Need Prayer?
Join Chat
Life Lessons
1-800-247-3180 | 604-514-2135
Hi I’ve fallen into sexual sin, pornography, sex before marriage. I’ve asked God to forgive me but doesn’t seem to be making Him come back. I feel like I’ve forfeited my salvation. I know most simply say repent or let God heal you which to me equates to simply letting time forget and is not “healing” I don’t know, I feel lost, abandoned and scared, I don’t know what to do and I seriously don’t think anything can be done that wasn’t done already on the Cross for me. I feel dread, doom, and fear of judgement for this. I feel as if I’ve been turned over to satan and that there’s no hope for me a fornicator. The bible doesn’t seem to have hope for fornication either. Help me please tell me God lets us come back!
Hi Sergio, I know about the way that shame over sin can make it seem like God has rejected you. The Bible does have harsh words for those who turn their back on God and follow their own way rather than following Him. It is important for us to understand the severity of our rebellion against God and the desperate position we are in because of our sinfulness. But God also gives us great comforting words in the Bible about His love and forgiveness. Your idea about how our repentance leads to God’s healing touch does not match with His promises. One of the most familiar verses on the subject is very clear, “If we confess our sins, He [God] is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.” (1John 1:9) The cleansing that John refers to here is not a passive “time heals all” but it is a literal cleaning away of the sin and wickedness that is present in our lives. When God cleans He doesn’t do a halfway job; He is perfect in everything He does so His promise here is that the sin is gone. Another wonderful promise of what Jesus has done for us is in 2Corinthians 5:21, “For God made Him [Jesus], who had never sinned, to become sin [our sin] so that we could become the righteousness of God.” Isn’t that amazing?! It is unthinkable that the perfect Creator of all that is would become our sin and yet here it is in black and white, no ambiguity or cryptic language. He became your lust, your fornication, your selfish attempts to please yourself; and in return He has bestowed on you His perfection, His righteousness, His purity, His sinlessness.
Now you can go on trying find a way that you can make up for your sin. You can choose to be celibate for the rest of your life as a punishment for your sin. Maybe you could give all of your money to help rescue your girls from sexual slavery and prostitution. Maybe you could emasculate yourself to show God how sorry you are for your sin (please don’t, this is hyperbole for emphasis). But there is nothing that you could do that could erase the sin from your life. You have sinned against the infinitely perfect God and therefore the penalty for that sin is equally limitless. However, that very same infinitely perfect and worthy God sacrificed His infinitely perfect self and because of His limitless value the grace of that sacrifice has no limits and has more than sufficiently covered the penalty for your sin. So the question remains, will you believe the eternal perfect God and trust in His sacrifice for you, or will you continue to turn your back on Him and look for your own way of paying for your mistake?
You know what, there is a bonus that comes with putting your trust in His sacrifice for you as well. Not only has all of your sin been paid for by His infinitely sufficient sacrifice–past present and future sin–, but He now takes up residence in you and will lead and empower you not to sin again! Galatians 5:16 says, “If we walk by the Spirit [which means that we live every moment looking to Him for leading our actions and attitudes] we will not satisfy the desires of our sinful nature.” The Spirit of God will lead us away from the sin that once held us as slaves. I know that is often a big part of my on-going shame–the knowledge that I will probably do it again someday. But God’s promise to us is that we are no longer slaves to those sins but we can be lead by the Spirit to live a life that is wholly devoted to God. Not because we are such good people or have such strong self-control, but because the Spirit has so filled our attention that we only do the things that He leads us to do. So God not only has paid for our sins but He is also empowering us to live pure lives.
So to answer your question, Yes! God lets us come back! In fact He is pursuing us to bring us back. The reason for the separation is us and our efforts to pay the price for our sin on our own. Trust in Jesus’ sacrifice for you. It is perfect and complete! Focus your attention on the Spirit of God so that you never fall to the temptation again. But if you do, know that Jesus’ infinite sacrifice has already paid for that sin and is ready to pick you up and carry on in the walk towards holiness.
Does that make sense Sergio? Are you willing to believe that?