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Gordon and I have been married for 17 years and have two wonderful children, Jasmine, 16, and Nathan, 13, whom we love very much. We love being married … but it wasn’t always like that.
From the beginning, we faced many obstacles in our marriage. The hardest one was (and still is) the disapproval of our marriage and our faith by my in-laws. This resulted in us moving away to another city to start over.
A new place, two small children and both of us working overtime to make life better –eventually it all caught up with us. We were a mess! We figured we had every right to treat each other any way we liked, regardless of how much it hurt.
In 2004, Gordon and I were considering the only option we thought was available to us: divorce. We knew we had come to a crossroad and had to find a way to end the chaos and the constant fighting. We knew it was wrong to divorce based on not being able to get along with each other, but by this time we saw no other way out.
I heard about FamilyLife Canada through a friend and found information on FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember marriage conference on the internet. With nothing to lose, we made a bargain; as a last resort, we agreed to attend the conference together in the spring of 2005. I went filled with hope and encouragement. Gordon came with hesitation – but he came.
What an unforgettable weekend that was, filled with tears and laughter. That weekend, our resentment towards each other melted. FamilyLife gave us the tools we so desperately needed. We learned we were normal after all – that we were not alone in this. We could go home and heal, using the blueprint from God we had been given. We applied it to our daily lives and found that it worked. Our love grew.
Ever since, we have felt a strong desire to come back every year and volunteer at the conference. We also host a Homebuilders Bible study in our home, meet couples one on one and promote Weekend to Remember throughout Calgary. We feel very passionate about sharing our story and letting others know about FamilyLife. We are committed to helping marriages around us, to making a difference in people’s lives,
The sad thing is that too many people just give up in today’s world. They quit, instead of finding the tools that can help them. Didn’t we almost do the same? We want to come alongside couples and encourage them. After all, if our marriage can work, anybody’s can!
Andrea and Gordon Weynschenk live in Calgary.
Help Others: Become a HomeBuilder…?
A HomeBuilder is a person who is passionate about bringing hope and help to the marriages and families. The network will grow and develop as we lock arms from coast to coast to come along side, equip and encourage the construction of strong, well built relationships and family.
We invite you to join this network of people who are committed to building strong marriages and families around them. Everyone can do something…
You could invite others to join you at events like a Weekend to Remember, a One Day Conference or a small group study.
You might want to organize and host an event that will change lives! You could host A Day Together marriage conference, a Couples Café or host a HomeBuilder’s small group in your home.
You could lead a small group HomeBuilders Study or a Marriage Oneness DVD series in your home, work place or church.
Through mentoring use your relationship experience, your story and life lessons to help others. Consider mentoring couples in your local community. Become an online mentor. Through your home computer you can come along side others from around the world.
Reaching out through connecting the felt need of the family and the spiritual openness of our culture leads to a great opportunity to meet the deep spiritual needs of so many.
Connect with the HomeBuilder network and pray for the relationships, marriages and families in your community, city, province and nation.
For more information check out the HomeBuilder overview on the familylife Canada web site or call or email homebuilders@familylifecanada.com or phone 1-877-352-6888
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Hi Sarah, I don’t think you ever have to be embarrassed about remaining true to your wedding covenant no matter how long it takes. That is something I admire and commend you for. I don’t see that as naiveté or wishful thinking but rather a determination to make things right and trust in God’s ability to transform your husband’s heart.
Now I don’t know all the details of your relationship issues but as I have prayed about what God wants to say to you I am reminded of the testimony of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. Because of their refusal to worship King Nebuchadnezzar as a god, they were condemned to be burned alive. What stands out in my mind is their clear statement to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. But even if he doesn’t, Your Majesty can be sure that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.” (Daniel 3:16-18) God is able to turn your husband’s heart around and heal your broken marriage. But even if He doesn’t you can continue to hold fast to His promise and His strength in your life to remain true to the vow you made on your wedding day.
I don’t know if that is encouraging to you or not but I am certain that God has a perfect plan of using the pain and turmoil of your broken marriage to accomplish something that you could have never imagined. You don’t have to carry the responsibility of healing your marriage or changing your husband’s heart; God will take care of that. What God is calling you to do is to focus your attention on Him and waiting for Him to direct your next step. “I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11) That is God’s promise to you and He will make good on that promise. There are things that God has prepared for you–and prepared you for–which He will lead you to accomplish. “For we are God’s masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which He has prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10) Don’t give up on what God is preparing for you. Wait on His leading and in His perfect time He will direct you and empower you to become a miraculous testimony of His great power, plans and love.
Lord God, I pray for Sarah as she is getting weighed down by discouragement of a marriage gone wrong. I pray that she would be able to see that You have not abandoned her or her husband. I pray that Your Spirit would fill her with confidence in Your power to do a miracle. Give her great patience as she waits and give her comfort from the pain and loneliness she feels. I pray that her husband would allow Your Spirit to change his heart and that he would return to his wife to make things right. I pray that his pride would not get in the way of that transformation. Unite them in love and in purpose to follow You. In Jesus name, Amen!
Sarah don’t stop talking to other people about this. Find people who will be honest in their support of you and help you look to God for leading and direction. Let me invite you to talk to one of our online mentors. They will help you look for God’s leading and be a safe place to share your hurt and hope. Just fill out the Mentor Request Form at http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor and one of our mentors will get in touch with you by email.
My husband and I went to the marriage conference “Weekend to Remember” in Feb 2012. It was awesome, but he never did come home. He has been gone for 4 years and now I have moved into an apartment. I had asked him to leave me alone unless he was coming home but when he didn’t return I have since had to give up our house which I was renting. It is hard to know what to do. I have stopped talking about it. I have tried not to think about it. I don’t consider our situation to be any one person’s ‘fault’ – but believe that unless we’re under one roof that we can’t work it out. Living apart didn’t/hasn’t worked. Please could you respond with something that could help me to “let go and let God”? I am too embarrassed now to talk to anyone else – as it has gone on for such a long time and my friends and family would say to me either accept him the way he is and live separately as a married couple (which I don’t want and find I can’t do without feeling resentful)or let him go. I can let him go, but can’t let go of the marriage vow without help. Please, I am asking, seeking, and knocking. Thank you for taking the time and thought and prayer.