Story by Danielle Ludy, as told by L. Wang

When the truth was revealed about my husband Will’s secret life*, I was devastated beyond comprehension. The enormity of the betrayal and deceit was unforgivable—12 years of lies! The phone call from the other woman’s husband left me in shock, unable to view anything rationally or move forward in any capacity of life. I could barely function: at work, at home, emotionally, mentally, and physically.

To me, my life was basically over. I had no hope. I gave up on love, trust and truth.

During this difficult time, I somehow began to look to God for answers. I had been a Christian for a long time, but I didn’t realize that just saying the four words, “I am a Christian,” was so mediocre compared to what God actually had to offer me. I thought I had a relationship with God, when in fact, I didn’t know what that actually meant. There were so many things I controlled myself. I never truly and fully gave my life to God. It wasn’t until I was faced with this situation—a crisis beyond my ability to fix, change or control—that I knew I had to hand everything over to God.

Not on my own anymore

I acknowledged that I couldn’t handle things on my own. Turning my life over to God was what kept me going over the next few months. I spent every waking moment praying and studying the Bible, seeking God for answers. After much time, I received a message from God. It’s hard to explain but in my heart — not with an audible voice — God told me that if my husband and I both walked together on the path with Christ, we would be O.K. It sounded so simple and yet completely impossible, for our marriage seemed so broken. But I knew I had to trust God. He gave his Son, Jesus Christ to die for our sins, past, present and future. If he is able to do that for me, I reasoned, he is able to do anything, including take care of me through this tough time.

To be honest, before all of that, I was actually in survival mode. I was thinking more of myself and my children. I don’t think I had any intentions of saving my marriage because I didn’t see that as a possibility. I continued to ask God for strength and guidance. I trusted God would get me through all the doubts and questions. Sometimes I would be angry and respond with questions like, “How can I possibly forgive my husband? How could this possibly become anything of worth? What purpose could this marriage have? Can my husband change? Could God possibly change my husband’s heart?” I wanted to believe it was possible to save this marriage but I just did not know how. I had so many doubts and fears, and no idea of where to begin.

On the road to healing

I prayed and prayed and put my trust in God, asking him to get me through all the turmoil and show me what to do. I believe that is where my true journey towards healing began. I began to recognize the truth, not necessarily about my husband, but about myself. I began to look at my heart and realize what had to change in me. The truth was extremely humbling, for I recognized my own feelings of bitterness, resentment, anger, loneliness and sorrow. I came face to face with the reality that I needed to work on myself, to forgive not only my husband, but my myself and others I felt resentment towards.

Letting go

At the beginning, my conviction was that forgiveness did not mean our marriage had to continue, it meant truly letting go of the pain and being free. Free for my heart to open up and receive God’s love. Free to begin a new life.

Over time, and to my surprise, I started to fall in love with my husband again and feel compassion for his pain and shame. He had come to believe in Jesus and was seeking God’s healing and change. I saw the transformation that God had begun in him and I fell in love with his new heart. How could the anger and bitterness be gone from my heart, and in turn, be replaced by love?

The answer was clear to me. If I relied on myself, healing our marriage is not possible, but through God’s grace and mercy, I had new hope and assurance. My life was in his hands. I knew I was no longer alone. God was with me and I felt truly loved and protected. With or without my husband, I knew my life could go on. But I knew my life could not go on without Jesus Christ. Realizing these truths about myself and about God, my heart was indeed changed.

During this time, our backyard was a mess from an incomplete renovation project. Will and I set out days to go out and make our backyard beautiful again. Not only did we create a beautiful backyard together, but a new love was created between us. Sometimes I look back and think, Who would’ve thought our marriage could be saved? Forgiving Will already didn’t seem possible to me, but loving him and being together as husband and wife today seemed even more impossible. But God has proven that with him, anything is possible.

It’s been over a year now since the truth was revealed to me and the journey has not been without difficulties, but my husband and I have chosen to walk with God together and our lives have been full of love and true intimacy. I still have setbacks and fears at times, but I turn to my faith, and know that something good can come from anything. I know we have free choice and have no guarantee of what others may choose to do, but I do know that both Will and I have committed our lives to one another with our main purpose focused on building a strong foundation in Jesus Christ as the center. That does not eliminate all the challenges we have ahead of us, for I know we will continue to struggle through difficulties and it will take time to rebuild the trust between us, but the reward for me is that by God, we will overcome our struggles and come out stronger each time. The adversity will strengthen our character and enable us to continue growing in our journey together.

Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.