How to live with–and love–someone who tends to be controlling and insensitive.

What is a “steamroller?” That is someone who is domineering, controlling, insensitive to the feelings of others–and always right! Webster defines the colloquial meaning of steamroller as “any agency that ruthlessly overrides and crushes.”

And we have folks in this world who do that to other folks! How in the world can a person reason or live with a steamroller? It’s pretty hard, unless you’re willing to give in at every point. Sometimes wisdom leads us to give in or compromise with a steamroller, for as Christians we are to seek peace and pursue it. But if a steamroller wants me to use my valuable time to do something, and I know God wants me to use it to write or do something for Him–God wins every time! I try to be pleasant but firm!

Understanding temperaments

I have found that knowing the basic nature of steamrollers has helped me better understand what makes them tick-and how I can deal with their words and actions without losing my cool or ending up like Beetle Bailey after a Sergeant attack! Tim LaHaye, co-author of the best-selling Left Behind series of novels, also wrote a book entitled Spirit-Controlled Temperament, in which he described the four basic types of temperaments propounded by Hippocrates more than 400 years before Christ. These are sanguine, choleric, melancholy, and phlegmatic.

Strong-willed cholerics

In this book LaHaye listed the characteristics of each temperament. Here are some of the hurtful tendencies of the basically “choleric” person: domineering, angry, cruel, sarcastic, inconsiderate, proud, self-sufficient, unemotional. These are the steamrollers.

They have good points too, such as being strong-willed, determined, and practical-but the bad ones are what can make other people miserable!

My dear mother was basically a choleric. This made her a good mother in many respects, for she trained my brother and me to obey. In doing so, we learned to do what was right and to obey our parents and teachers. She watched over us, read to us, taught us to be helpers. However–all my life, Mom treated me as if I were ten years old! And this was really hard on me at times. For instance, one time when my family and I were living with my folks, Mom insisted I had to scrub the stairway from attic to cellar every other week on my hands and knees! Whew! I hated that!

Living with cholerics–and loving them

In later years, however, when I took care of Mom after Dad’s death, the Lord helped me to deal with her. For instance, I had to read her mail to her. One day she got a bunch of junk mail and she insisted that I read it word for word! I said, “No, Mom, I don’t even read through my own junk mail.” “Well, then,” she said, “I’ll have my neighbor read my mail to me from now on.” (This approach is used to cause a guilt trip.)

“Okay, Mom,” I said, calling her bluff and pushing the junk mail toward her,”go right ahead!” And that aborted that problem neatly and nicely.

Hurtful cholerics

My mother was a good Christian woman and therefore the better qualities of her choleric nature usually prevailed. But I have another relative who inherited the choleric nature-and her insensitive words and actions have caused me many tears and heartaches.

“Lord, help me to know how to deal with this treatment without resentment or anger,” I prayed. For I knew that the person I would hurt most if I entertained such feelings would be me!

So through the years the Lord has shown me ways in which to respond and other ways by which I can protect myself. For instance, one day when this person made a cutting remark to me, I said, “Well, you know, I’m only human, and I make mistakes just as others do.” The woman was so surprised that she backed off nicely. For that remark neatly swept the “cut” carpet out from under her–and it delivered me from the hurt!

A converted steamroller

In an instant Saul, the terrible choleric persecutor of Christians, was converted by Christ into a vessel of His love to the nations-the apostle Paul. Here’s what he wrote to the Philippian Christians:

“If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:1- 4).

So take heart-with Christ’s help, “steamrollers” can change! In the meanwhile, just show them the love of Jesus–and keep forgiving them!