How do I change my controlling ways?
While I was surfing the web I came across an article on husbands with control issues. After reading several articles on traits of a controlling husband, I can see that I fit the description. My wife, whom I love with all my heart, is at her wits end with my constant concern of ‘time watching’ when she comes home from work and the clothes she wears to work. We are still together after 12 years and have two boys, ages 6 & 8. I can see that I also control many things in their lives and I need to do something before…
Advice: You made a good beginning by writing this letter. Have you and your wife talked about your controlling nature? You may find out that she has a dependent personality, and that she likes you to control her. Then she can blame you that her life isn’t what she would like it to be. Your boys will also be able to blame you for their boring lives. I suggest that you find a good professional counselor to find out why you need so much control over others.
Do you really think they will mess up their lives if they didn’t have you around to tell them who they are and what they should be doing? What would happen if they failed to measure up to your standards? Could they have too much fun in life? What was your childhood like? It really is a lot more fun to watch your loved ones growing, developing and maturing while you stand by encouraging and loving them. Pick up the book Safe People by Henry Cloud and let me know what you think. If you are really brave you can get Don’t Let the Jerks Get the Best of You by Paul Meyers. Dr. Ginger
You did not mentioned whether you are abusive because a lot of the times when people are very controlling they are most likely possessive and abusive, it all falls hand in hand, I do suggest you seek counseling to resolve past issues because if you don’t you just might end up losing your wife and kids and you will feel very guilty and sorry, Learn to trust and realize that you cannot be in control of everything, i feel these people cannot control things in their own lives so they feel the need to control someone elses.
Good luck and I wish you the best. I’m trying to get help for this same situation as well, I lost my love so i’m trying to prevent you to lose yours.
Keep reading
I got a reply and all I see if a keep reading from a Bryan. I read what I wrote back in 2009 and I’m happy to say that me and my love got back together around 2010 and still together. Sure we have our problems like anyone else but it’s totally different now, I don’t even do half the things I used to do so it made our relationship a lot better, she has changed a lot too for the best and I knew a lot of times I would act crazy because at times the person you may be with may have you feel insecure etc. Things are good at this time.
Dear Kali, Thank you for coming back and sharing your wonderful testimony. It is so great to see how God can work in the midst of two willing hearts that are eager for change. May you and your entire household continue to be blessed by the wonderful things God is doing within your hearts, which in effect have a beautiful impact throughout your home too! God wants all of His children to let go of their old ways of living and reacting to life and grab hold of His new ways of living and reacting to others. Cleary you and your wife are allowing this blessed transformation to take place…God Bless