Rules

April 3, 2013

In athletics, cards or board games one of the first questions that comes up is… “What are the rules?” Rules help to curb the tendency toward “creativity” and seek to ensure the game is enjoyable and fair for each player. Sometimes even when the rules are clear, there is a need for a referee to handle the major disagreements and ensure, some level of constructive play is maintained.

Relationships benefit from rules or principles. I don’t normally think of relationships as being rule based, yet my observations lead me to conclude that clear rules play a positive role in strong relationships. Conflict will result from unclear or no agreement on rules of operation in relationships. A couple was experiencing a lot of conflict about finances. The problem was that they were working from two different sets of rules. One felt all spending should be agreed upon by both, the other felt each should have spending money that was totally independent and used for personal desires.

Either system could work; the issue was their lack of agreement. Conflict escalated to a crisis level before they realized they had to agree to a common set of rules or their relationship might not survive. They came up with some new agreed upon rules for finances. The change in their relationship was profound. Relationships thrive on cooperation. Cooperation grows with self sacrifice and respecting agreed upon rules of behavior. Games have winners and losers. The best relationships are characterized by win/win partnerships.

Question: In what areas do you have the greatest level of conflict?

Action:  Identify the source of the conflict. Set clear and agreed upon “rules of action” in the area.

Consideration:  Do you need an umpire to help clarify the rules? This could be a friend, another couple, a book or a professional.