My husband was raised by a grandmother who did everything for him… picked up his mess and so on. Now I don’t know what to do with him! I work, and I just can’t go around picking up and cleaning up after him when I work the hours I do. I’ll tell him to put his stuff up after he comes home, and he gets irritated, which leads to arguments. Please help me. What should I do? It’s so bad that I can’t stand it.

Advice: Peace in a home is more important than arguments over trivial things.

Since you aren’t going to change your husband, change your approach. Get a box or two and place them in the rooms your husband drops his stuff. Go to him, hug him, and then say, “Honey, I want us to have peace in our home. Your dropping things all over the place upsets me – and my getting on your case upsets you. So I put these boxes in the (choice: living room, bedroom, bathroom, kitchen) and all you have to do is drop your stuff in them – okay?” Then kiss his cheek. (This is called the “sandwich method.”) Sweet stuff – presentation – followed by sweet stuff.

Hope this helps – best wishes! Dr. Muriel.