The Ten Commandments of Returning to School
It’s that time of year again. The Fall is nearly upon us, and you are undoubtedly preparing to go back to school. Having been a post-secondary student 6 years in succession, let me bestow my wealth of knowledge upon you.
1. Thou shalt not leave thy registration until the last minute. That thou hast a thousand plus one other things to do this summer is no excuse.
For I promise you two things.
Firstly, the early bird truly gets the worm. Capped courses or courses with limited enrollment fill up quickly. If thou desirest thy first choice in course, register early.
Secondly, there is nothing in the world worse than a lineup. Though thy school might only have 5,000 students, and though only 10% (which is a small number, relatively speaking) might choose to register on the first day of classes, that is 500 students. Hast thou ever stood in a 500 person line? Most unpleasant, I assure thee.
2. Thou shalt not go shopping for school supplies without a list. Binders and pens are pretty, and aisles glitter and gleam with fads and other such goodies thou truly needest not. Supply stores employ marketing agents of the latest and greatest types, with high-falluting degrees in psychology. They have studied thy mind and know it well.
Thou may not think it possible, but I ask you, did you really need six of those really, really cool fabric binders with pockets and buttons and lifetime guarantees to last three lifetimes? Make a list.
3. Thou shalt not wait until the last possible moment to make payment on thy tuition, only to discover thou hast run out of money as thou hast spend it on music, movies, clothing, and McDonald’s Happy Meals, for though the toys are cute, they shall not educate thee.
4. Thou shalt not procrastinate in finding housing. If thou art a student and wish to be near thy campus, September is a very bad time of year to try find an apartment or other housing arrangement.
5. Honour thy professors and thy teaching assistants that it might be well with you and thy grades might be high. Thy teaching assistant is thy friend. Thy grades shall thank thee much for remembering this, and shall reflect thine effort.
6. Thou shalt not skip class. Nay, thou shalt not skip even though thou hast pulled an all-nighter. Start thine assignments earlier to finish them earlier, that thou might attend class in full. For it is a well known fact (not to mention Murphy’s Law) that on the day thou skippest a class, thy professor shall cover material crucial to the exam that may or may not be hidden in the depths of thine textbook.
7. Thou shalt not sleep in on the day of a quiz and make up for it by forging a doctor’s note. That is dishonesty. Do not do it.
8. Thou really, really shalt not skip an exam unless thou art laying bedridden on death’s very doorstep.
9. Thou shalt not study to the point of exhaustion, and never for more than 2 hours without taking a break. Take study breaks! Thy brain requires brief pauses and the occasional change of scenery in order to properly absorb information. Therefore, two hours should be the maximum hours one should sit still. One hour might be acceptable, though it might be too few to rightly accomplish anything. 3 would be too many. 4 is right out!
10. Thou shalt not take thyself too seriously, nor weep at the sight of a single grade below 99%. A 98% is not the end of the world (and if thou still believest it is, let me know where thou livest and I shall come and thwack thee firmly upside the head). Furthermore, thou shalt not take a paper to a professor when thou has missed a single point out of 200, for 1 mark out of 200 is not going to change thy overall mark, unless thou hads’t only 199 out of 200, and in this case, thou hast better not let the other students in thy class know it, for after 98%, it is all an A+ and a 4.0 GPA.