Student Profile: Ral search for identity
spirituality | drug use | personality
Spiritual Snapshot:
Drugs and the acceptance of others
In high school, I went to various parties, experimented with drugs and made some bad relationship choices. I even started selling drugs.
I was looking for somewhere to belong socially. I wanted independence from my parents, to find personality, and to get past my low self-esteem. I lived an empty life. I spent all my time pursuing frivolous things.
I always needed my friends to make me feel satisfied with my life. If my friends weren’t there, or if I was bored, I would revert to doing drugs. I had a girlfriend and experimented sexually. Yet, none of these things filled the empty void in my life.
Peer pressure was a real factor that influenced my lifestyle. I had a social network that allowed people to influence me in that way. No one is just going to sit down and do drugs. You do it because you are curious and want to fit in. I actually asked to try it. I don’t know a lot of people who just begin doing drugs by themselves, they’re surrounded by friends who encourage it.
I did anything I could do to forget about myself. I wrapped myself up with my friends, material things and illegal substances. I always had people around me. I didn’t like myself, had a low self esteem, and hung out with the type of guys that I wanted to be: good looking and cool. I never felt like I was cool when I was without them. I didn’t even feel good with them because I knew they were cooler than me.
Soul Searching
I had thought about God, but I just saw him as a mean grandpa. I figured you had to do things his way for him to say that he loved you. Since he wants things a certain way, I assumed that he wouldn’t get out of his high position to help me out in life.
I did a lot of soul searching in university. I spent a span of two weeks asking questions and doubting what the world had to offer me. But I had come to a dead end. We all come to a dead end. Then things started to change after that.
I started going to church again and this time paid attention. I got a Bible and started reading through certain passages. I was trying to find out what the truth was and grappled with it.
At this time I was so lonely and didn’t know what to do with all of the emptiness I had inside. I was bitterly, and utterly lonely. I finally realized that I didn’t have a best friend, but what about this Jesus guy I was reading about? Could Jesus be a friend to me? The one I was looking for? I asked myself, "Why not?"
I knew I had to give up everything to have him take over.
One night I was in my room and I was punching into thin air. I was so frustrated and angry; I didn’t know what I was doing anymore. I didn’t know how to deal with what I felt . Finally, I just started praying because I knew that it was the only way I could talk to God. I knew that God was the only one who could fulfill my life because nothing else seemed to work.
I became lost and engulfed in my prayer.
I didn’t even have a sense of myself anymore or my loneliness, I was just lost in God’s presence.
When I finally came back to my senses and said, ‘Amen,’ I was on my knees and felt like I was swimming in tears. I didn’t even notice, but I was smiling and had a strong urge to say thank you.
I had never cried or said thanks before.
That night, Jesus didn’t just touch my life, he took it over. That’s when I finally felt fulfilled. When Jesus took my life over, after I offered it to him, everything was gone. I felt like a new creation.
Transformed
The way I used to present myself to the world is not how I am now.
When I asked Jesus to take over my life, there was a sharp contrast in me. I wasn’t one of the ‘boys’ anymore. Many of my past friends eventually appreciated that I was different over time or at least respected my changes.
Many just kept saying, "You’re so different! There’s something different about you, but I just can’t put my finger on it. Are you religious?" I just tell them that I now have something to live for.
I have a best friend now, and He’s always with me. Once I gave my life over to God, He started orchestrating everything in my life like clockwork. I could see His hand in everything.
I love this one verse in Genesis 3:9, "God calls out, ‘Man, where are you?’" That’s the message of Christianity. The message of Jesus is right there: God is reaching out to us. All we have to do is respond.
I like this quote: "Without God, man cannot, without man God will not." We all have a choice. Even though I don’t know what my future holds, it just matters that I know who holds my future. Just to know that I can hold onto someone who cares about me and knows what is best for my future, gives me a peace. God will work things out if I trust in Him.
I took psychology as a minor in university and studied different adolescent behavior. A lot of drug use begins with your social contacts. Your friends are who you are. "Show me the friends and I’ll show you the man." Your inner circle of friends has the biggest impact on you as a developing person.
Bad company tends to corrupt good morals. Why would kids listen to what their parents say if they don’t see them as people to talk to? That is why kids rebel, because their parents only spend like 3 hours with them a week and don’t spend time relating and listening to their kids.
Also drug use also has to do with a low self-esteem. Teenagers look for someone who truly invests in them and spends time telling them the good things they do. This is true encouragement. But flattery is when people say things to "tickle your ears." But flattery is not worth hearing because it doesn’t go below the surface.
As an adolescent I wanted to be encouraged by others and filled with feelings of adequacy. But I wasn’t getting that affirmation and adequacy from anyone. That’s why I turned to drugs.
Most people, including myself, want to escape from something.
If they are truly just doing it for fun, than they can give it up. If they can’t give drugs up, they are escaping.
Find out more about Ral 1.2.
Related reading:
- Questions about spirituality? Read our spirituality articles
- What’s your Spiritual Interest Quotient? Take our SIQ quiz and find out
- How you can know God personally
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