Growing up … eventually
Why are so many people in their 20s taking so long to grow up?
That’s the question an article in the New York Times recently asked. It seems that it’s taking people longer to grow up. Psychologists have even come up with a new term for it: “emerging adulthood.”
It’s happening all over, in all sorts of families, not just young people moving back home but also young people taking longer to reach adulthood overall. It’s a development that predates the current economic doldrums, and no one knows yet what the impact will be … The traditional cycle seems to have gone off course, as young people remain untethered to romantic partners or to permanent homes, going back to school for lack of better options, traveling, avoiding commitments … forestalling the beginning of adult life.
A more concrete example of this phenomenon is the median age to when people get married, which rose substantially: “The median age at first marriage in the early 1970s, when the baby boomers were young, was 21 for women and 23 for men; by 2009 it had climbed to 26 for women and 28 for men, five years in a little more than a generation.” Personally, although I attended five friends’ weddings this year, many of my friends in their late 20’s are not married, and some of them seem to have little inclination to get married anytime soon. Is this a good thing, a bad thing, or something that is entirely culturally benign?
I read a book recently which hypothesized that one reason many people today have difficulty making decisions is that we have too many viable options. Back in my grandparents’ or great-grandparents’ time, they had much fewer choices available to them regarding school, job, and potential mates. This of course gave them less selection but it made choosing an awful lot easier. Could this be one of the main reasons that people hesitate so long before entering into long-term commitments: An embarrassment of riches of choice leaves us partially paralyzed?
As I idly ponder returning to school to earn a second master’s degree, I know that I’m not immune to this phenomenon myself. Sure I’ve moved out of my parents’ house, but with no marriage or children in sight anytime soon, I know that I meet several of the criteria described.
Do you find it difficult to make life choices? Are you stymied by several options, all of which seem equally good (or equally unappealing)? Here are some resources that might help:
– Who are you and Where are you Going?: Ever stared at the person you see in the mirror and wondered how you got to where you are?
– Lessons in Decision Making (from BAD decisions): Learn from the bad decisions of one of history’s great leaders to make better decisions yourself.
– Redefining Success: Maybe it’s chasing after the wrong goals that’s the trouble, and it’s time to decide to strive for something better!
And let us know your thoughts, whether you’re a 20-something who’s back at your childhood home (again?) or a parent who loves having their child at home but is slowing growing concerned that they may never strike out on their own! You can also talk with a mentor about it privately if you’d prefer.
Tags: Culture, darren hewer, decision making, grow up, immature, LIFE, Mark Driscoll, maturity, Men, Self, World
4 Responses to “Growing up … eventually”
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Well… I”m 26, female.. Live at home with parents.. I guess adulthood.. is here…
My mom and I were talking about the New York Times article on the swingset last month, and neither of us think people are taking longer to grow up.
The fact is, middle-class white people are a lot younger than they used to be. If you fit that profile, look at pictures of your parents when they were in their twenties. Folks nowadays don’t start looking like that ’til they’re forty. So taking longer to grow up appears to still be good for us.
And I don’t think it’s because of any existential paralysis, either. It’s only convention that says getting married and having kids is what adulthood is. There’s a whole big world out there, and I don’t blame people for wanting to experience more of it before they settle down. Not so much indecision as deciding to do more than one thing, which I think should be allowed.
its true the world of today has a lot to choose from which makes choosing difficult. God help to make the right choices and at the right time.
I agree with Cat that the social norm that adulthood is defined by marriage and having children is much weaker nowadays. Other options are considered almost equally valid, whereas a generation ago they weren’t. And as for living in parents’ houses, that’s becoming increasingly common first and foremost because it’s impossibly expensive to afford your own place.. its becoming necessary to work for a good number of years before a first mortgage is possible.
I do think it is possible to be an “adult” without doing the traditional adulty things of get a house, get married and have kids. Maybe we just have to redefine adulthood to make it more culturally relevant to today